The sky was just beginning to darken when Kimi’s brother left the convenience store, a can of Pepsi in one hand and a taquito in the other. Munching as he walked, he headed along the rural road that would take him take him back to the reservation.
Void of any streetlights, there was only the murky blue light of dusk to illuminate his way, but instead of quickening his steps, he walked slowly. For some a walk like this might feel lonely, but Tyler welcomed the time alone, and couldn’t be in any less of a hurry to return home.
Home.
Home was where violence and unpredictability resided, a place where mental and physical abuse was an everyday occurrence. It was a place where dignity died and evil reigned, and even though he couldn’t hear the cries of pain that his mother released, he almost always felt the vibrations of her screams.
Just thinking of “home” and all that waited for him there sent a shudder through his body, so instead of taking his customary route which led straight home, he continued along the road. Aside from the rare trip with his mother and Kimi into town, Tyler was unfamiliar with the outside world, and as such, felt slightly wary about continuing on.
But how could he not continue, when his sister was currently on a road trip, experiencing all sorts of undoubtedly amazing things. She was probably meeting all sorts of cool people and making new friends, not to mention visiting places that he could only imagine in his head.
She was out there changing her life, transforming herself in all kinds of ways, and if that didn’t serve as inspiration for him to do the same, then nothing else probably ever would. With only a light jacket to insulate his rail thin form, and a cell phone that was half charged, he certainly wasn’t prepared to set out on his own, but something within him was urging to do just that.
Only three days past his sixteenth birthday, Tyler was ill-prepared and uncertain about life, but if anything remained constant, it was the domestic assault his mother endured on a daily basis.
Powerless against the meaty build that his father possessed, Tyler was unable to properly defend his mother, and as such, felt like a failure as a son. Of course he knew it wasn’t his fault, and that his father was completely out of control, but that didn’t stop the dejection he felt, nor did it repair his self dignity.
Now more than a mile past the rez, Tyler continued to walk, and as thoughts of home began to dissipate, he ruminated over high school. Known simply as “the deaf kid” among his peers, Tyler had grown accustomed to Kimi watching over him. But now that she was preparing to move off to college, he would no longer be able to depend on her protection.
Although he had never been physically assaulted, a few of his classmates seemed to enjoy calling him names, and had even gone so far as to steal his clothes after gym class. Despite the bullies, however, high school wasn’t entirely unpleasant, and he did have a couple of friends who made his existence a lot more bearable.
Having finished the taquito, Tyler washed it down with the rest of his Pepsi, then discarded it in the small plastic bag he was carrying along. With dusk nearly over, the last vestiges of light were retreating, and Tyler was having second thoughts about continuing down the road.
Looking back on it now, he was unprepared to run away, and without a clue as to where he should even go. Not to mention he only had a few dollars in his pocket, and no map or change of clothing to keep himself decent while on the road. But most importantly, he wasn’t truly prepared to leave his mother behind, and couldn’t, in good conscience, leave her all alone to deal with his abusive father.
Coming to a halt, Tyler gazed up at the now dark sky. He blinked a few times, then closed his eyes and said a prayer for courage. Upon opening them again, he focused on the stars which were beginning to twinkle.
But as he suddenly got the feeling that he wasn’t alone, he quickly pivoted on his feet, and that was when he saw the classic Lincoln Town Car slowly pulling up behind him.
With its fancy chrome rims and black tinted windows, the vehicle reminded Tyler of something he’d seen in a rap video. Slowly, the passenger window slid down to reveal the interior, and as Tyler caught sight of the face that stared back at him, he realized that the occupants of the car were Native.
“Hey little dude, you need a ride somewhere?” Sitting in the passenger seat, the young man who looked out at Tyler was wearing an oversized hoodie, and a blue bandana was tied around his forehead like a headband.
Taking note of his gang attire, Tyler quickly shook his head, then gave a weak smile to show that he was politely declining the offer.
“You sure?”
Tyler nodded, then turned and continued down the road, but he only took a few steps before the car started trailing alongside him. Now wondering if he should flee, Tyler began to walk a little quicker, but as the car escort adjusted its speed to keep up with him, he knew that evasion was impossible.
“Hey, I think you should get in,” the bandana wearing passenger said as Tyler turned his head to look at him. “It’s not safe to be out on the streets by yourself.”
Tyler shook his head and continued on, but his gaze remained pinned on the following vehicle.
No longer just gazing but outright staring, the man in the car seemed to be growing impatient.
“Hey, I’ve seen you around the rez before. You that deaf and dumb kid, ain’t you?
Halting in his tracks, Tyler stared at him full-on, and with a fierce expression that contorted his innocent face, he tapped his ear and gave a nod. He then followed up by pressing his palm against his head, and after forming an X shape with his index fingers, firmly shook his head no.
“The fuck does that mean?” Asked the guy in the car, but by that time Tyler had retrieved a miniature pencil and pad from his jacket, which he quickly scribbled on.
His irritation now overriding wariness, Tyler stepped toward the car, and after passing the note through the open window, waited for the words to be read.
I am Deaf NOT dumb. My brain works perfectly fine. How about yours??
Clearly curious to find out what the note said, the driver of the car leaned over, and after reading along with his bandana clad friend, glanced up at Tyler, and then his buddy.
“Little man just insulted you, Twitch. Called you stupid and shit, right in front of your face.”
“Naw, he’s got balls,” Twitch said to the driver of the car. “We need more of that, know what I mean?” Shifting his eyes back on Tyler, Twitch gave him a serious look. “You should join up with us, kid. Become a member of the Crazy Indianz.”
With a shake of his head, Tyler let them know he wasn’t interested, then gestured with his thumb in the direction behind him.
“You leaving already?”
Tyler nodded.
“Where you going?” He asked. “Because it looked like you were headed into town just a minute ago.”
Pressing his pencil against the pad of paper, Tyler quickly scribbled a note:
Was going to run away, but don’t want to leave my mom behind. Dad is abusive and I’m afraid he might kill her if I leave home.
As Twitch read this, a look of concern flashed across his face, but there was something else in his eyes. A faint glimmer, perhaps, that hinted at an opportunistic streak.
“My old man was abusive, too,” Twitch said. “Hit my mom all the time, and my little brother too.”
With a gaze that was pinned on Twitch’s face, Tyler encouraged him to continue on.
“I beat his ass with a baseball bat one day, and ever since then, he hasn’t touched my mom or my little brother. Hasn’t walked very well since, either. Guess he knows how it feels now, huh?”
Uncertain of whether or not he should nod, Tyler only looked wide eyed at Twitch’s face. But he couldn’t deny there was something deep within him which had responded to the words that had been spoken.
“Bet you thought of getting revenge on your dad…must have crossed your mind at least once or twice.”
Tyler shrugged, then slipped his hands into his jean pockets. But the nonchalant display he put on didn’t fool Twitch at all.
“You don’t have to admit it, little dude. I can see in your eyes that you hate him. You probably want him dead too, huh?”
Rather than state, Twitch seemed to question, and fully aware that Twitch was hoping for a particular reply, Tyler scribbled a response, then tore the paper from the pad and passed it over to Twitch.
Yes I hate him, but I am NOT a killer.
“Naw. Of course you aren’t, little dude.” The corners of his lips tugged into a faint smile. “I can see you’re not that type of kid, but you’ve got courage, no doubt. And I really respect that about you.”
Tyler nodded and smiled to convey his appreciation of the compliment, but then looked down at his watch, tapping his finger against the clock face.
“It’s cool if you gotta go,” Twitch said. “But you really shouldn’t be out on the streets by yourself. Especially not someone like you.”
Unconsciously, Tyler pulled himself taller, then puffed out his thin chest.
“Yeah, you ain’t no punk. I get that, little dude. But you’re ten blocks from the rez, so I thought I’d offer you a lift back.”
Tyler quickly wrote his response on the pad of paper.
Thanks, but I need space to be alone. Got a lot of thinking to do tonight.
“Okay, that’s cool,” Twitch said after reading the note. “Be safe out here, and I’ll see you the rez.”
With a nod of his head, Tyler watched the town car drive off. His eyes remained pinned on the vehicle until its taillights became fainter and then disappeared into the distance, hidden in the darkness just ahead.
* * * *
For the past nine hours, Lucas had been lying to himself. But now, as he sat in his room all alone and with nothing but books escort bayan to keep him company, he found that his attempts to ease his emotional pain were turning out to be a massive failure.
Ever since Claudia’s departure earlier that morning, a keen sting had been spreading through his heart, burrowing itself deep and fanning out like poison. Maddeningly unrelenting, it had only grown stronger throughout the day, and was now a piercing sort of pain.
He didn’t understand why, though, because Claudia’s road trip didn’t matter at all to him. She probably wasn’t having as much fun as he imagined, and after three weeks on the road with Tristan, she would undoubtedly grow tired of him, maybe even decide that he wasn’t right for her at all.
Still lying to yourself?
Coming through loud and clear, Lucas’s inner voice seemed to tease, but instead of feeling irritation, he only experienced a pang of sadness. Truth be told, he was lying to himself, and no matter how many tales he wove, reality was staring him right in the face.
Unused to feeling such strong emotions, he eased out a heavy sigh and continued to read his book, but the words failed to be absorbed by his brain, because the images in his head just wouldn’t stop playing.
Of course he’d known for some time that Claudia and Tristan would eventually hook up, but the thought of them actually engaging in the physical act made him literally sick to his stomach.
Not wanting to imagine, yet unable to stop himself, Lucas envisioned Tristan straddling Claudia’s body. In his mind’s eye, he saw Claudia spreading her legs to accommodate Tristan, and on slipping that particular organ into her center, Tristan broke through her virgin barrier.
Disgusted at the idea of Claudia allowing Tristan to defile her, Lucas narrowed his eyes. His mouth contorted into an ugly sneer, and his heart pumped harder and quicker with every breath.
Had she done it already? He wondered. Had she already spread her legs like a whore for that freakboy loser who didn’t even deserve her? Just what exactly did Tristan have that made Claudia prefer him anyways?
You know, came a voice from deep inside of him, and as Lucas continued to sit there on his bed, he imagined Claudia and Tristan going off to college together.
So they’ll be living in the white man’s world, was the bitter thought that popped into his head. Why should I be envious of that?
With only silence to surround him, Lucas actually took a moment to think it over, and that’s when he realized that he truly was jealous. Not only of Claudia and Tristan’s budding relationship, but the opportunities they would be afforded by attending university.
Having always been tied in to the traditional life, Lucas was fiercely proud of his Native heritage, but even he was beginning to see the value in moving off to college. Sure he would be assimilating and leaving behind the familiarity of reservation life, but doors would open and his life would change in ways he probably couldn’t even imagine.
Throughout his four years of high school, he’d mostly goofed off, just barely passing each level so that he could continue on to the next. But now that high school was over and the responsibilities of adulthood were beginning to loom, he realized that choices needed to be made.
Not just trivial choices either, but life altering ones. The kind of choices that would make Claudia take notice, maybe even regret that she’d preferred Tristan over him.
While he did want Claudia to be happy and enjoy life, he wasn’t too keen on her doing it with Tristan. Come to think of it, he didn’t like the idea of her with anyone other than himself. Of course he knew that she was already with Tristan, but if he couldn’t have her as his girlfriend, he would at least show her that he could succeed, and make something of himself outside of the reservation.
If he attended community college in the fall, he could be in university a year from now, and four years beyond that, would be graduating and preparing to start his career. But was that truly what he wanted, or was he simply spurred on by the thought of making Claudia sorry?
And how exactly would he be making her sorry anyhow? It had always been Claudia’s idea for him to attend college, so It’s not like he would be getting any revenge. Now that he thought about it, he realized it didn’t make much sense at all, and that the only reason he should be attending school, is because he felt it a necessary decision for himself, not for a girl who had only seen him as second best. So the question was, did he truly want a career?
Career
The sound of it alone made him think of ties and button-up shirts, of stuffy corporate atmospheres where people kissed ass to get ahead. It made him think of nine to five work weeks and three piece suits that would have to be dry cleaned. But most of all, it made him think of his identity being stripped, and of his ties to the reservation being cut.
But was a loss of identity bayan escort truly for certain, or was that just fear digging its hooks into him, clouding his judgment so that he couldn’t think straight? Now uncertain, Lucas took a minute to think it over, but as he remembered the book that he was holding in his hand, he lowered his gaze to focus on it.
Written by a Pawnee activist and civil rights lawyer, the publication examined ten Supreme Court cases that altered the fate of Native American people. Along with exposing the dark side of federal Indian law, the book deconstructed the racist foundations which had helped create it.
So engrossed in the piece of literature, he’d plowed through 200 pages in just under three days, and fully expected to finish the remaining 360 by the end of the week.
As he sat there gazing at the section he had bookmarked, Lucas came to the realization that he was tired of simply sitting at the sidelines, and that unless he took action and made an attempt to actually help, he was nothing more than a helpless bystander.
And if there was anything the reservation was currently lacking, it was activists who were willing to go out on the front lines. He had, after all, been raised to follow the ways of the warrior, and what did a warrior do, if not protect and honor his people’s way of life?
Flipping to the back of the book, Lucas read the author’s bio, and on noting the list of websites where one could “further educate themselves on Native American Activism,” he grabbed a scrap of paper from his nightstand. He then picked up a pen and began to write, before taking a few moments to read over what he had written:
Native American Rights Fund
Legal representation for NDN’s
www.narf.org
With the information jotted down, he flipped to the part of the book where he had left off, and as he lost himself in the words, Lucas came to a conclusion. He didn’t just want more out of life, he was beginning to hunger for it.
* * * *
Little more than a dot on the map, Soda Springs, Idaho was a sleepy little town. With a population of just over 3,000, it wasn’t the sort of place that tourists would usually stop. But with as was customary with any road trip, bathroom stops were essential, and after two hours of driving along an endless stretch of highway, the four teens were ready to stretch their legs.
Not keen on relieving themselves in a gas station bathroom, they found a general store to stop at instead, and after pulling up on the dirt road in front, Ethan put the VW bus into park.
Quaintly retro, the general store had an aged façade, and along with several old fashioned gas pumps on display, there was also a rusted T-Ford truck. Directly above the door was a vintage sign that read: ‘Soda Springs General Store’, and in a smaller script just directly below, there were the words, “ice-cream, pop, snacks, and souvenirs!”
On pulling the door open, a chime above it made their presence known, and with creaky old floorboards shifting beneath them, the four teenagers made their way inside. Dimly lit and pleasantly cool, the interior smelled of sassafras and tobacco.
Spanning the entire of the length of the store was a see-through counter, where one could check out the various types of candy, as well as dried fruit and a mélange of gourmet nuts. Also on exhibit was a variety of ice cream, which was visible through the glass panes of the refrigerated display cabinets.
With so much to look at, the four teens found it difficult to focus on just on one thing, but as Claudia caught sight of a pinball machine, she made a beeline straight toward it. Situated in a corner at the very back of the store, the vintage pinball machine was covered with a thin layer of dust. But that didn’t deter Claudia from checking it out, and upon closer inspection, realized the arcade game was themed after the concept of a funhouse.
Swiping her palm across the glass that covered the display, Claudia gazed inside the cabinet, and that was when she saw the freaky looking ventriloquist dummy head that was mounted on the game’s playfield. Directly below it was a large clock, which Claudia guessed counted down the time as the player tried to score points, but she didn’t get a chance to check out anymore of the features, because the floorboards creaked as somebody approached her.
Even before she turned she already knew it was Tristan, and as his arms wrapped around her waist with tenderness, a smile crept onto her face.
“Hey you,” she softly said.
“Hey yourself,” he responded before kissing her neck. “What you doing back here all alone?”
“Checking out this pinball machine.” Shifting her eyes to the dummy head on the playfield, she asked, “You got any quarters?”
Removing his hands from her waist, Tristan took a moment to dig into his pockets, and after retrieving two quarters, slipped them into the coin slot. As the machine came to life, the eyes of the dummy head opened, and the words “The Game Is Watching You” scrolled across the LED display.
As an obscenely loud electro-carnival soundtrack began to play, Claudia placed her hands on the controls, and with a sharp tug on the plunger, propelled the silver ball into the playfield.
Ben Esra telefonda seni bosaltmami ister misin?
Telefon Numaram: 00237 8000 92 32